Let love in...

I've never been able to truly let someone in all the way. I have been able to get to a certain place with a very particular comfort level, but nothing past that. I could be at a very good place with someone and then for some reason I push them away before there is a chance to get too close. I don't know why I'm this way but I have been for as long as I can remember. I let the logic of my head rule over the passion of my heart when it comes to love. In some ways this has protected me, but in other ways I think it has actually hindered me from experiencing love to the fullest. Love...to me it seems like the most exquisitely beautiful thing between two people and also the most terrifying. Look at the classic love stories, often times they seem quite poetic and lyrical but it can also be entwined with tragedy and loss to the greatest extent. Why does it seem that you have to go off the deep end to be in love? It seems like it's kind of crazy...but maybe that's the beautiful part. It surpasses all understanding and makes you go places that you wouldn't have seen otherwise. I'm sure one day I'll understand, one day I'll let it in. I do have quite a wall up though so good luck to the one who attempts to break it down. It's going to take a lot of work...possibly

change of heart...

So today was the first day back at school. I started my day SUPER early at my internship and after a long day in the office I went to my Swing/Latin/Ballroom class. I loved my dance class so much. There is something about any form of creative expression that really gets me excited and even passionate. This sparked something in me today...I realized that I have no passion for what I'm studying. True I may work hard and excel in my schoolwork, but truth be told, journalism is a calling and I am slowly beginning to realize that it's not mine. Now things like music, theatre or even organizations like invisible children have me caring and motivated but most importantly it gets me passionate. So what am I doing? Am I wasting time by getting a degree in something I don't have a true interest in? Should I just finish and find the good side of what I'm learning and apply it something else that I do in fact care about? It seems completely unthinkable to start over now. I have to finish what I started and I want to. It just is a bit discouraging to make these kinds of discoveries when you are so far along.

My Summer Vacation

So this summer I did the alumni program at Disney in Orlando Florida. I had a fantastic time! My roommates were the best and I know that we are going to be life long friends. I have to say that the job this time around was not as much fun as I would have liked, but I feel that I did make the most of it. Living in Florida for a second time made me realize how much I missed it. Initially I thought it was strange. I had gotten so used to being back home in my reality that it was difficult to adjust back to the Disney way of life. Once I started work and going to the parks regularly I picked up my old Disney habits and it became second nature in a sense. There is something about this place that draws you back in. It makes it hard to leave it all behind. I don't know what it is exactly whether it's the people, the work environment or just the place itself. All I know is that I always get a sense of security when I walk through the front entrance of the Magic Kingdom and enter main street USA. I can go there and feel as though I have become a part of something much bigger than myself.

I knew this time around it was only going to be for a summer so I tried to have fun but not let myself get as attached. Finally the day came where I had to leave again and it surprised me that I automatically started crying after waking up that morning. The trip home was nice since I had Whitney, one of my roommates, with me. Since I have been home I have tried to keep myself busy to prevent me from thinking about it. I still miss it daily and maybe I will return again one day. I have realized though that I need to stop living in the past and start living in the present and allowing opportunity for the future to arise. Disney has been a big part of my life and probably will always be in a sense, but it's time for me to be on my own for a while without revisiting the mouse.

My current bucket list...

Things I would like to accomplish before I "kick the bucket" so to speak...

1. Ride in a hot air balloon

2. Backpack Europe

3. See the pyramids of Giza

4. Fall in love

5. Go on a road trip across the country

6. Go to all the Disney parks around the world

7. Learn a different language

8. Go on a cruise

9. Write a play

10. Sing with a live band

11. Learn how to play Rimskij-Korsakov:The Flight of the Bumble-Bee on the piano

12. Go horseback riding

13. Make a documentary

14. Get married at sunset

15. Swim with dolphins

16. Get a tattoo

17. Kiss underwater

18. Meet my half siblings

19. Go on a safari

20. Find a career that I am passionate about

21. Have a family

22. Graduate College

23. Be a hero

24. Go to a drive-in movie

25. Go parasailing

26. Go out on a row boat during a full moon

27. Save a life

28. Watch every movie that is mentioned in the Great Movie Ride at Disney's Hollywood Studios

29. Write a love song

30. Make a sand castle with a loved one