Let love in...

I've never been able to truly let someone in all the way. I have been able to get to a certain place with a very particular comfort level, but nothing past that. I could be at a very good place with someone and then for some reason I push them away before there is a chance to get too close. I don't know why I'm this way but I have been for as long as I can remember. I let the logic of my head rule over the passion of my heart when it comes to love. In some ways this has protected me, but in other ways I think it has actually hindered me from experiencing love to the fullest. Love...to me it seems like the most exquisitely beautiful thing between two people and also the most terrifying. Look at the classic love stories, often times they seem quite poetic and lyrical but it can also be entwined with tragedy and loss to the greatest extent. Why does it seem that you have to go off the deep end to be in love? It seems like it's kind of crazy...but maybe that's the beautiful part. It surpasses all understanding and makes you go places that you wouldn't have seen otherwise. I'm sure one day I'll understand, one day I'll let it in. I do have quite a wall up though so good luck to the one who attempts to break it down. It's going to take a lot of work...possibly

change of heart...

So today was the first day back at school. I started my day SUPER early at my internship and after a long day in the office I went to my Swing/Latin/Ballroom class. I loved my dance class so much. There is something about any form of creative expression that really gets me excited and even passionate. This sparked something in me today...I realized that I have no passion for what I'm studying. True I may work hard and excel in my schoolwork, but truth be told, journalism is a calling and I am slowly beginning to realize that it's not mine. Now things like music, theatre or even organizations like invisible children have me caring and motivated but most importantly it gets me passionate. So what am I doing? Am I wasting time by getting a degree in something I don't have a true interest in? Should I just finish and find the good side of what I'm learning and apply it something else that I do in fact care about? It seems completely unthinkable to start over now. I have to finish what I started and I want to. It just is a bit discouraging to make these kinds of discoveries when you are so far along.